My husband and I have been together for eight years this year. We will have been married for four. He’s been my best friend since we met on that blind date. 17 years old and I was head over heels, deeply in love with this jolly green giant. I never would have believed in “love at first sight” until he was standing by his kitchen table and he looked up at me with a smile. He said, “Hi!” That was it. One word. Two letters. And I never wanted to be apart from him.
My husband and I got pregnant very fast after being married. Two months after our wedding, to be exact. We had been together for four years, so we figured it wasn’t going to hurt us. I don’t regret having kids early in our marriage. Not at all. Having kids early in our marriage has brought us very close together. Our boys have given us more in life than we thought we ever needed and we have both always wanted a big family.
We are so happy. Our boys are our biggest blessing and being parents has given us so much joy! There’s only one downfall…being a mom has really made me the world’s crappiest wife. I mean, I truly suck. He’s the funniest person I know. I worry about everything after having two little babies and he’s always trying to make me laugh. Instead of laughing, I’m so uptight, caught up in spit-up, poop, and a giant tantrum, and I feel like I can’t even give him the love he deserves and probably needs. I wish I could tell him so much…but we get interrupted every 10 seconds by a, “Mama, I want Buzz and Woody,” or a blood curdling scream from the backseat of the car.
I want to tell him that I love him even more than I did when I saw him for the first time. No, I can’t make-out with you in the car until the windows get steamy like we did when we were 17 because there are two crying man cubs screaming in the backseats, but man the way he cleans the kitchen can be sexy. I want to tell him that as I watch him play with our kids, comfort them when they’re sad, and read to them only makes me fall even more in love with him. It’s not watching him play high school football and sacking the quarterback … it’s even better. I want to tell him that I appreciate him. I don’t get to say it enough or show him in the ways he’d probably enjoy (ehem…hello toddler crawling in our bed in the middle of the night interrupting our “appreciation” for each other), but I wish I could. I want tell him that when I get frustrated with him, it’s not him. I know we aren’t perfect, but I promise that this man is pretty close to it and he’s incredibly hard to get mad at. I want to tell him thank you. He’s so patient and supportive through every single thing I deal with as mom and wife. He has never skipped a beat on loving me harder and showing it. Despite it all, I want to tell him that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry if it seems like I’m not listening to you when I talk because I am nodding my head while simultaneously nursing the baby and making the toddler a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I’m sorry for getting instantly worried when a plan doesn’t go as planned. I’m sorry I rarely wear anything but yoga pants and a spit-up stained t-shirt that’s too big for me.
I want him to know that I love him more than ever. He’s my number one and only one. Yes, we have these two incredible children now that take up so much of our time and love for each other. They’re not excuses, but reasons; the best reasons. I may not be the wife I wanted to be after motherhood came in full swing, but he’s more of the husband I ever dreamed of having. He’s my everything and even though we may not have it all together, together we’ve got it all.