As I was driving to my hair appointment the other day my mind began to wander as it does in my rare lonely car rides. My mind swiped through some of the many reasons I love my husband and a thought popped into my head, “I am so lucky to have him in my life.” It’s a sweet sentiment that many of us have but I quickly found myself correcting that thought to, “I deserve to have such a great husband.”
It almost seems like a selfish thought, but it’s really not. As a woman, it can be hard sometimes, when you are trying to find love, to open up and truly allow yourself to be with a man that treats you right. Why is that? I think we have been conditioned that men do much more of choosing when it comes to picking a mate and they are the ones that should take the lead. Very little choice is really in our hands and the courtship process is male led even with modern day dating.
Looking back on my life, I was raised to have a lot of self worth. Sure, I struggled with many issues that young girls and women often struggle with, but I was always confident and sure of myself. As I grew older, I learned this confidence and assurances shouldn’t just revolve around my physical appearance, but my passions, intelligence, personality, and the path I was heading down in life. It’s hard to be sure of yourself with a constant question mark of your future in your face.
My mom and step dad’s 25 year marriage was always something I hoped for and I was willing to wait for no matter how long it took. Meeting my husband wasn’t just about finding the right man, but it was a stop in my journey where I realized I was deserving of a good man and I shouldn’t settle for anything less. For as smart and self-aware as I was, I dated a lot of guys who treated me poorly, and I let them. No, I am not a perfect angel, but I worked really hard to help others and most often put the needs of others before my own. It was time I realized I was worth that same treatment and it was nice to meet someone who thought the same.
At this point in my life I don’t have any daughters to share this self empowering wisdom with, but I think it is equally as important to share with my sons. You aren’t just lucky in love. You get what you give. You can be a good person and a caring partner, and in turn realize you deserve to have someone treat you like that. This golden rule is genderless.
Yes, relationships change. People have different backgrounds. Outside circumstances weigh constantly on relationships. The one thing that should never change is constantly being open minded to your actions, having self-awareness, and growth as an individual. When you are willing to make the necessary positive growth for yourself it will bleed positivity into your relationship.
By no means do I think that if you haven’t met the love of your life yet, that you aren’t deserving. We all have an interesting and sometimes long path to travel down before we meet the one and feel this way. And for others they don’t place a lot of value in that type of relationship and that’s okay too.
I wasn’t rescued. I am not lucky. I deserved to be treated well. In turn, I will do all in my power to treat him well. We are both deserving of that.