I am Not Lucky to Have a Good Husband, I Deserve Him

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As I was driving to my hair appointment the other day my mind began to wander as it does in my rare lonely car rides. My mind swiped through some of the many reasons I love my husband and a thought popped into my head, “I am so lucky to have him in my life.” It’s a sweet sentiment that many of us have but I quickly found myself correcting that thought to, “I deserve to have such a great husband.”

lucky to have a good husbandIt almost seems like a selfish thought, but it’s really not. As a woman, it can be hard sometimes, when you are trying to find love, to open up and truly allow yourself to be with a man that treats you right. Why is that? I think we have been conditioned that men do much more of choosing when it comes to picking a mate and they are the ones that should take the lead. Very little choice is really in our hands and the courtship process is male led even with modern day dating. 

Looking back on my life, I was raised to have a lot of self worth. Sure, I struggled with many issues that young girls and women often struggle with, but I was always confident and sure of myself. As I grew older, I learned this confidence and assurances shouldn’t just revolve around my physical appearance, but my passions, intelligence, personality, and the path I was heading down in life. It’s hard to be sure of yourself with a constant question mark of your future in your face.

My mom and step dad’s 25 year marriage was always something I hoped for and I was willing to wait for no matter how long it took. Meeting my husband wasn’t just about finding the right man, but it was a stop in my journey where I realized I was deserving of a good man and I shouldn’t settle for anything less. For as smart and self-aware as I was, I dated a lot of guys who treated me poorly, and I let them. No, I am not a perfect angel, but I worked really hard to help others and most often put the needs of others before my own. It was time I realized I was worth that same treatment and it was nice to meet someone who thought the same.

At this point in my life I don’t have any daughters to share this self empowering wisdom with, but I think it is equally as important to share with my sons. You aren’t just lucky in love. You get what you give. You can be a good person and a caring partner, and in turn realize you deserve to have someone treat you like that. This golden rule is genderless.

Yes, relationships change. People have different backgrounds. Outside circumstances weigh constantly on relationships. The one thing that should never change is constantly being open minded to your actions, having self-awareness, and growth as an individual. When you are willing to make the necessary positive growth for yourself it will bleed positivity into your relationship.

By no means do I think that if you haven’t met the love of your life yet, that you aren’t deserving. We all have an interesting and sometimes long path to travel down before we meet the one and feel this way. And for others they don’t place a lot of value in that type of relationship and that’s okay too.

I wasn’t rescued. I am not lucky. I deserved to be treated well. In turn, I will do all in my power to treat him well. We are both deserving of that.

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I was born in Denver but I have grown up in Arizona almost my whole life. I live in Gilbert with my beautiful son Paul who is 4, my one year old son Finn, my silly pit bull Armani, and my amazing husband Ryan. We have been married 4 years but have known each other since middle school. He truly is my best friend and better half. I went to Arizona State University for both my undergraduate and graduate degrees in education. I was an elementary school teacher for 10 years in Mesa Public Schools and currently teach in the Kyrene School District in fifth grade. I love to play dodgeball. Yep, dodgeball. It started out as just a fun recreational league but have started to train and travel tournaments around the country.

3 COMMENTS

  1. I love this! I’ve had other women act like I’m unworthy to have a good husband. Just last year, we ran into some people that he knows through his job, a husband and wife. The wife kept saying “you’re sooo lucky to have him”…even in front of her own husband. It made me (and the two guys, I could tell) uncomfortable.

    I consider myself lucky to have him, yes, but he is lucky to have me too. We are both fortunate to have each other.
    I deserve my husband because of all the same reasons you mentioned in your situation. I’m smart, kind, caring, witty, and it’s taken me a long time to see anything positive in myself because of how abused I was growing up.
    So hell yeah…I deserve him. We treat each other with love and respect, as it should be.

    I think for some women too, they might try to make us feel like we aren’t pretty enough or (fill in the blank with something else) enough to have a man that loves us or treats us right. It makes some people uncomfortable to see that. And they expect us to have that same lowly view of ourselves, that we should be so “lucky” that a good man would find us worthy of love. I appreciate your thoughts on this, Jessica.

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