It’s a curious thing the American Dream. The idea of what a family should be. A man and women should have 2 kids, a home mortgage, a minivan, a dog, yadda yadda yadda. Oh we know it varies for all of us but you get what I mean. A thing of the past you think? I don’t and here’s why…
We had always talked about 3 kids…ALWAYS. Because a single child might be too “spoiled, selfish and bratty” (The Only Child Myth) and 2 would be good but 3 would be wonderful! 3 always felt right to my husband and I. I knew, jokingly, that I probably shouldn’t have 3 boys. This was a standing joke among my husband’s family who at the time was my boyfriend. He and his 2 brothers had NO FILTERS and I was constantly subjected to bro topics and humor that ALWAYS crossed the lines. So in my teenage years I thought I should have a girl. And I did. Next came a boy.
Now let me tell you right here and now that if I had 3 boys or 3 girls I would have been over the moon happy. God blessed me with 1 girl and 2 younger boys. The gender of my babies wasn’t important to me because once I saw the flutter of a beating heart at my ultrasound appointment I was in love.
When we had our second child an alarming thing happened. We had reached our limit.
I can’t even tell you how many times we heard the same comment, “You Have Your Girl, You Have Your Boy, Now You’re Done.” Just like that EVERYONE had our family planned for us! It made me wonder…why a mother of a girl and a boy has reached her limit? Why is the focus on not only having 2 babies but one of each sex?! That’s perfection according to many.
I felt like it wasn’t as socially acceptable for us to try for a third. Why would we?! A girl for me and a boy for husband. Win, Win & Done.
Of course if we had two girls or two boys having a third would make sense. “Oh they are trying for that girl/boy” people would say. They would think we were crazy for having more than 2 kids but they would understand the NEED to have one of each gender.
When did the focus become so pointed on the number + gender of our children?! The gender reveal parties with the filled cupcakes/boxes or the photoshoots with the dreamy balloons and shiny tassels in the appropriate color. Nothing against them, I probably would have had a gender reveal party if they were trending at the time I had my babies but my experience with child bearing has made the topic of gender bittersweet. Based on the gender of my first two children many implied there was no need for a third child. It was less a celebration and more that I found myself continually defending my decision to have a third child.
But my story included 1 girl and 2 boys. It’s a joy to see their relationships develop. Playing, laughing, growing together. The love and similarities they share have nothing to do with gender. And I’m so thankful that our plan had nothing to do with gender either. We were able to have 3 sweet and healthy babies that we had always hoped for. And now we are done. 🙂
We want to know, did you feel pressure when it came to the gender of your unborn child? Did you announce the gender, keep it a secret or wait to find out? Comment below.
Families are a blessing, whatever the size. I have many friends who have three or more. If anything, I am in the minority with only one. For some people, having no kids is the right thing to do. As for gender, yes we did find out, and yes we did reveal to friends and family (although we didn’t do it in an interesting way). The name we kept secret, except from family. I didn’t have expectations of a girl or a boy; I thought for sure I would have a boy and would have been pleased either way. 🙂
This is a huge topic for me right now. My first was a boy and when I was pregnant with my second everyone just knew it would be a girl.. welp it was another boy. I have to admit I was pretty sad about it I always thought I’d have a little girl and there was so much pressure from the universe that it seemed “unfair” that I was going to be having 2 boys. When my second son was born I was head over heels in love and he is cutest thing I can’t imagine my life another way. I feel guilty for being sad that this blessing was the “wrong gender”. When I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd… again everyone swore it was going to be a girl and would tell me they’re praying or hoping it was a girl. We did have a very small get together to reveal to my immediate family and 2 besties but not because we cared way the gender was just because it’s fun and big news to share either way. Low and behold it was a girl which has thrown me for a total loop. These last 5 years I definitely identify with being a boy mom so I was completely ok with having a third boy but I did feel a lot of pressure from friends/family for it to be a girl.